A tiring day was the last thought that hit my head as I drifted off to sleep. Dreamtime it was, vivid and full of colours.
I walk into my verandah overlooking the park, with the lake shimmering at a distance, it was a sunny day. The sky was clear, blue, the trees all shades of green and there was a light breeze. My mind registered that it was that time of the year when Ma Durga would visit us, and all our worries would cease for that period of five days.
Strange it was but i felt that vibe, that peculiar excitement in the year. The smell in the air, the fluttering in my heart, the joy that seeps in inadvertently!
I see lots of people visiting, meeting the new and reclaiming the old, it was the time to mingle and rekindle relationships.
I see my room in its vivid painted walls, all decked up by my mother to welcome this season of happiness! The curtains with their prints speak of long moments spent outside shops, haggling, trying to set the right price favourable to both! The bed throw tells its own tale of money, saved for months to buy that exact print. The cushions on the bed has a similar story to narrate. Each new item in my room is a labour of love, wish and good tidings. Not secured easily but procured with months of planning in place.
Things which earlier escaped me now floats easily in front of me, the labour of love, the joy of being surrounded by family and friends, people who matter. The rush of adrenaline as the whole place buzzes with fervent energy.
I step outside my room to see a flurry of activities, my mother scolding the help as she busies herself with chatting with the neighbour, the man selling fish outside the main door trying to offer a good price to sell his wares, my grandmother trying hard to concentrate on praying, as the commotion outside distracts her often.
Loneliness, there is no space for that in this moment, in this hour, in this place. An alien concept.
Someone calls my name and I strain to hear that voice, calling me frantically, I do not want to listen to that voice. It pulls me strongly and like a vortex I am sucked deep into it. Let go! My mind screams, I do not want to listen to you. I close my eyes tightly. Nothing happens when I finally snap my eyes open, I see my husband next to me a worried look on his face. My pillow wet with tears, is a witness to another fact.
I look into his concerned eyes, as reality hits me again. I’m far away from home, I’m far away from people who care for me. Loneliness, that alien concept is my constant companion here.
I am homesick, longing to celebrate Durga Puja with my dear ones, on my familiar ground. The irony, home as I knew it has changed, people gone, people old. I have changed, my carefree heart now shackled in adulthood.
Another year, another celebration, my heart heavy with sadness, wish only wish for a slice of home!
pulsingthoughts 