The ache

One night it knocked off and gripped me. It was a nag. It occupied my head , heart and everything else and i was becoming oblivious to the world. Popping a pill now and then helped me escape from its clutches but it would eventually return.

What are you thinking off? I am having a toothache.

 

My God is now the dentist.

The dentist is out on a trip and i find myself praying for his well-being and safe return back to the city.

I spend my whole day meditating on that one appointment i have got and never have i sat and thought about one thing so much.

I dread the trip, as the dentist pokes and prods inside my mouth and punches an injection, i can almost wish i could vanish leaving the ubiquitous tooth in his hand to play with.

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And there she goes…

That was the last time i saw her she was bright orange and beautiful brown. She was soft and in her lap i had wonderful dreams and sweet sleep. She was safe and fun too. She was my first cot. So cried my little dolly(edited by me of course!)……….as i comforted her!

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It was a sunny day and the world outside was fun but not for my three year old as she saw her cot being disassembled and carted off to strangers.

Her eyes brimming with tears she was inconsolable and her emotion reflected mine.

That was one of the first items i had bought for my first born. I still remember the day when i strolled into the shop saw the baby cot and instantly knew my child had to have that. Along with it i also bought some accessories, a musical chime , some soft toys and fun pillows.

The first time i had placed my dolly there she was scared but then she grew to love it, playing inside it for longer durations and having fun. Her pillows arranged around her she would be sleeping soundly and all snuggled up. The doggy pillow became her most cherished possession and she still retains that.

As the cot is sold off and its new owners take it away i see a slice of my dolly’s childhood vanish before my eyes, what remains are pictures and memories.

I feel horrible too! But letting go is the wisest thing as new horizons and furniture beckons us. With a promise to buy her a blue bunk bed i finally quieten her down. As she learns a new lesson to look forward and cherish the bygone days. A lesson reinforced for me again!

 

Dance baby dance!

So there after a moment of surfing i land up to watch ‘Jhalak Dikhla Ja’ on the Colors channel. Two hot guys were performing, man! they were sizzling on screen combining moves from hip, hop, lock and pop and contemporary. I was riveted, every move was like a rhythm and so in sync. This was the ‘firangi tadka ‘ edition where the show had imported some foreign choreographers.

That entire episode was a feast of several different dance styles samba, rumba, b-boying, hip-hop, lock and pop and bollywood of course!

It was interesting to note how each style was so distinctive with its moves and yet so graceful. The judges termed ‘Rumba’ as the dance of love as the dance depicted passion and one had to evoke such feelings while on the floor with their partner.

Samba is a dance that ushers in the festive mood with a lot of hip swing movements from the dancers. The dancers wore colorful costumes and jived and danced gracefully to the music.

Then of course there was salsa, the current dance rage in India. This dance is always performed with a partner and is improvised in each routine. Generally the partners are exchanged and the music is mostly tropical.

My most favorite form (at the moment) is hip hop. The duo who performed this on Jhalak were two Greek Gods. This is an entirely fun dance where movements are abstract. Originally a  street dance, hip hop dance assimilates all elements of fun and frolic.

What came next was locking and popping. As funny as the name sounds this is quite an unique dance form wherein each part of your body, especially the torso plays an important role. The movement of the muscles is critical for this dance form. This was also another form of street dance. In this show this form was either combined with salsa or hip hop and gave the routine a whole new flavor.

 

 

Then there was Bollywood of course! Every Indian identifies with it and at some point in their lives dances it. The whole show was a dance feast, excellent choreography, great moves and some fine elements is what i discovered on that show.

Hats off to you Jhalak Dikhla Ja for bringing to the Indian home such great dance forms.

 

(All images sourced from Google)

Marriage and Kids

You might be wondering ‘There another piece on a time and tested topic’….Well you are correct this is another perspective that i seek to draw between marriage and kids.

The Indian society at large believes, expounds and follows that kids should be the inevitable result of a marriage. They bring the partners together as they participate in the act of parenting together. However i do beg to differ, though kids are a natural outcome of marriage yet they are unpredictable and cannot guarantee a stronger bond between the partners.

Taru’s parents were the average Indian they believed in marriage and thereafter kids. But Taru was having a tough time. Within a year of her marriage she discovered that she was completely incompatible with her partner. They had different likes, different temperaments, different priorities. What is considered a rosy period turned into a stormy one for her. Yet she had no way out, she had married well inspite of coming from a not-so-financially strong background. Her husband was a mild mannered man and provided her with a lot of comforts. However she was sad and unable to connect with him on any ground.

Their first year marriage anniversary was approaching and Taru was dreading it. She wanted to break out of the shackle and run free, do what she wants and embrace life fully. But the uncertainty scared her, Taru did not have the guts, simply!

So there she was sitting in her parents house trying to explain her situation. Even after an hour of talk, her parents believed that the marriage would work. Time was the key. A year is not enough to judge a relationship, they felt. A few more debates and Taru’s mother concluded that definitely a child of their own would help.

Taru was not convinced she was always a very practical person and knew her mind. A child! In this mess! Her mind kept questioning. However she could not express this to her parents, their fervent eyes and pleading voice did not help the matter further.

She celebrated her first marriage anniversary in the best possible way.

She became a mom another year later.

She was still unhappy.

Taru had a baby girl. She named her ‘Sukanya’. She was a joy and hope for Taru. But as far as her marriage was considered it was finished in her mind. The child brought a lot of love out of Taru but it also contributed to distancing Taru and her husband even further.

They had more conflicts and the issues were more serious now…parenting, lifestyle, jobs, etc.

In the course of having her child Taru had to give up on her well-paying job and become a stay-at-home mom. She took that job very seriously, after all the little one was a deliberate choice and should be given the best possible treatment.
But this also made Taru financially more insecure and more dependent on her husband. The chances of breaking free was diminishing everyday!

Sukanya was growing up fast and transformed from a chubby infant to a bubbly toddler. The day soon came when Taru enrolled Sukanya into a nearby school. Taru loved to be with Sukanya. However she continued to recede further into the darkness inside her. She was alone and had no way out!

It was Sukanya’s tenth birthday. Taru dropped her school that day, Sukanya was wearing her birthday dress. She was also carrying a bag of sweets to distribute in her class. Taru fondly looked at her daughter, gave her a kiss and a tight hug before she went running to meet her friends. She looked back once to see Taru still standing and looking at her.

After school Sukanya was promised a treat by her father. Sukanya loved her father and he spoilt her too, by showering her with gifts and chocolates. As the school bus rolled in Sukanya jumped out of the bus and ran to her house. She rang the doorbell and when the maid opened the door she rushed to greet her mother and tell her stories from school. But mom was not around. No not in the bedroom, not in the bathroom and not in the kitchen. Where is she? Sukanya thought. The maid informed she has gone out and left a note on the dining table. Expecting a surprise she rushed to read the note. It read.

Sukanya i love you.

But i cannot spread joy if there’s nothing left inside me.

I’m sorry but i need to go and find that joy back to start living a life with you.

Be good.

Love you always.

Momma.

Sukanya’s mind could not fathom much, she only understood the fact that her mom has gone away.

There are many such cases happening all around us. When we read or hear about them we become judgmental and critical. In the lurch is one innocent life.

What are your thoughts? Was it wrong for Taru to leave? Was it right if Taru had stayed and become clinically depressed? Are kids a solution to a stronger marriage? Should Taru’s parents had intervened and listened to their daughter early?

Please do respond.

(All images sourced from Google)

Of sleep and more

Those were the days when all i wanted to do was just go to sleep. Anytime of the day i loved to zzzzzzz. My mother would grow frustrated at my lethargy and nothing she did could make me cut down any less on my precious sleep. The days flew by rapidly and here i stand today.

A mother, a wife and everything else combined my work just never ends. So at the end of the day when i hit the sack all tired and ready to doze off something eludes me …..sleep! Yes, my mind keeps whirring like a machine conjuring up more work and conversations that didn’t happen, of fears that were unfounded. Lord! it seems like i’m on a rechargeable battery. As the whole world slips into a peaceful slumber i remain open eyed and tired. Tossing and turning gets boring and there i sit down to write a blog.

Blogging begins but all i could think of at that unearthly hour was of the days gone by, of happiness and regrets. Procrastination of things i could have done differently, sorrow and loneliness fills me. I forgo that activity.More than anything else i want to go to sleep, to snap shut these ghastly thoughts and slip into oblivion. Oh! Ma why is growing up (ageing maybe) leading to the loss of my best friend!

After a lot of effort i finally manage to doze off into a fitful slumber, when a loud cry wakes me up. My little one was having nightmares and she wanted a pat and a hug to drift off. As i stare at her small face and see her easing back to a peaceful state i can’t help but remember childhood! Those easy days, lazy days and fun days when mom was always around to take care of things and when our mind had not become so convoluted. It was fearless and nonchalant. I look out of the windows and see stars twinkling in the sky, a melody rings in my ear of a lullaby sung long back. A forgotten touch and a forgotten tune finally soothes me as i drift off too into oblivion.

On the move

My favorite pastime when i’m on the road is to watch people. Its always been there, i go to a restaurant and look around to see people enjoying their food, their expressions and quirkiness. This habit of mine has led to a lot of reprimand from my mother. So, nevertheless i continue to observe people albeit now  with a little more restraint.

My current crop of people who i love to scrutinize are the couples.

On a sunny afternoon as i sit on the passenger seat of a car i notice many of them.

And like leaves they come in various hues.

So these are my observations.

So there was this couple having panipuri (a famous Indian snack) at a roadside stall. As they await their turn i notice the girl , all animated and all eyes for this guy, whereas her companion is completely off and is only pretending to listen to her. I could actually hear his mind say ‘ Why did i ever come out on this date? A beer with my guy friends would have been more fun!’…………So sorry i felt, as this relation definitely in my mind was a nought.

 

The car whoozzed past and stopped again at a red light. An auto chugs in and i peep to see  voila! another couple in the backseat. There was this girl and guy, holding hands and peering into each other’s eyes as if nothing else existed beyond. So sweet! I was happy that love like that still existed beyond Bollywood of course! The wait increased and as i fumed getting late for an appointment, i peered again and there they were still smiling, still looking, and still perfectly at ease. I want to be in love and NOW, my mind screamed.

 

Thankfully the light changed to green and i carried on towards to my destination. A few twists and turns later the driver decided he was lost and needed to ask someone the direction. We stop in front of a building as he gets out to ask in the local grocery store. Could not believe my luck as another couple walked out of the building. All smiles as if they were sharing some personal joke or maybe after a nice ‘roll in the hay’ ………i was devilishly having fun.

The driver returned and there we started on our journey again.

Finally i arrived at the appointed place. As i step out , i notice another couple. The girl was wearing a dozen red bangles in both her hands. Newly married aah! …..my mind inferred. As they stood together sipping juice from a single mug, i loved the thought of two new people embarking on a journey, twists and turns and still staying together rock solid!

Life is indeed an interesting phenomenon and enriched truly by the people around us, sometimes even strangers.

Thus ended my very eventful car drive.