Surrender

Its hard enough to go through life with its ups and downs and its twists and turns.

To want something and not get it, to give that test, job interview, relationship or work your best shot and yet not succeed….”Not good enough” being the feedback.

It’s frustrating enough when one has to go through it, and more heartbreaking when one sees their child go through it unable to take that pain away.

I experienced that pain today…..excruciating it was!

The event was nothing massive but nonetheless it was (in her eyes).

I was a witness to her journey, to her wanting that prize more than ever, to putting in that work. She missed that prize and she is devastated. The tears do not stop and the sadness does not disappear.

In moments like this my faith in higher powers is infinitely restored, of the presence of some other forces which guide us and does what is best for us.

The presence of fate and destiny.

In these small snippets of life, with a heavy heart all I have to do is – Surrender……and hope that the big force somewhere steers my little one’s ship to the port, she most deserves.

Scars

Recently I had to undergo a surgery, one could say it was somewhere between a minor and a major. To me it was gargantuan….period.

Due to COVID measures I had to wait in the lobby before being led to the OT, all alone! All around me were nurses in scrubs, IV lines, drips, patients on beds, needles, doctors and specialists and lots of patient in blue gowns. The whole image might seem calm on the surface was actually terrifying in my head.

There were some very calm and even smiling patients and then there were some (like me..) who could not stop crying about what lay ahead!

Long story short I survived that surgery with a strong dose of anaesthesia and lots of pain killers. My recovery journey has begun and I have my days.

However, what I saw on that day as I waited patiently for my name to be called are scars. Some visible and some invisible. Older people in pain, faces creased up in worry, grey hairs aged with undergoing life. When we are young the world seems like your oyster, we are in charge and our attitude reflects that, defiant, bold, aggressive, loud…..with age comes realisation that life is not exactly going our way!

What replaces that attitude are humility, acceptance, wisdom and at times cynicism. A big role to play in this turn of events are unfortunately scars, some visible and some invisible!

Life some say are too short and some say are too long….what one forgets to add is you cannot grow old without scars! Some visible and some invisible!

What do I make out of life now?